The in-between

Lately, I’ve been taking inventory of what feels healthy — in habits, in relationships, in thoughts — and challenging myself to focus solely on finding my rhythm in the in-between.

I feel myself constantly reaching for that perfectly balanced groove — the one that makes me feel like I’m doing it all “the right way,” even if the feeling never stays for long.

Maybe what I’m chasing is wholeness — alignment, balance, flow.

I’m learning that wholeness isn’t a single destination, though. You can’t just plop down and get cozy because you’ve “arrived.” Wholeness is a daily decision — a choice that adds value to the whole every time you make it.

(Bars.)

I’m rebuilding my flow — piece by piece — identifying who’s who and what’s what, not from judgment but from a place of clarity and intention.

Fluidly choosing what chooses me.

Being honest about what no longer deserves space in my brain.

Learning to fill a cup for myself first — not out of selfishness, but so I can pour from a place that isn’t empty.

Developing routines that let my family and me take on the journey more efficiently really fills my soul right now too. So does giving my strongest, deepest, healthiest, most authentic, love.

For a while now, I've lived in extremes — from overwhelmingly bright and outgoing to withdrawn, self-protective, and quiet. But I think we’re arriving at a season of balance. Finally. Prayerfully.

Showing up as my best self — even if that means showing up to rest (aṣẹ) — feels like the truest form of gratitude. Moving through life with my best effort — all wheels turning — not begrudgingly, but proudly. Fiercely, even.

And when I do need solitude — that chrysalis phase, if you follow me — I’m learning to be intentional about how I step back. Because how I do things matters: to my karma, yes, but also to the person I’m choosing to be.

At this big age, I understand that how you treat people says a lot about who you are becoming. So to the folks I’ve hurt getting to this place of understanding — thank you for your grace.

Like my good brother Stevie Wonder says, "we all play a part in each other’s existence —" sometimes as mirrors, sometimes as reminders, always as teachers.

That truth feels heavier and lighter all at once — a reminder that connection is the point, but so is discernment. Maybe the work right now is learning to honor both.

And if you made it this far into my brain dump — thank you for sharing this space with me.

Jamielah <3